Sunday, February 11, 2007
dreaming in process...
mood change suddenly. thinking in process. hate myself doing this type of thing. it just sux. this type of feeling just cant leave me. its hurting. i want to tok to you but i just don't dare to tok to you. why? why am i so coward? what happen to the old engeretic xinni? why? now, i just feel so idiotic. hate the way i am living. hate it to the core. fcuk man! i know ppl will say aiya forget it lei. no point at all. but think again before u say. it damm difficult. this type of feeling keep coming back as and when. it's hurting. when i look through all the memories, everything seems piercing into my heart. it's pain! i can't take it anymore. can u please take away from me? take everything. can i go for brainwash? if it really can help, i sincerely willing to try it. sighs. how long already? why i just cant stop thinking this fcuking things? it just keep appearing into me. sickening man! arghz! i am really not that strong at all. what happen to xinni? she had changed damm alot. the old xinni is strong! but now? she is so freaking weak. i really hate to be like that. i want to change. everyday go out meet ppl, have to pretend that nothing had happen. it just look so fake. fcuk off man! i am tired. collapsing soon? i need to stop thinking le. otherwise i need i will just go insane babx. i think i am the most stupid gal int he world. think about someone when the person won't even will care to look at u. sighs. sob sob. tears just roll down my cheeks. i had this long enough le. i don't want to be like this anymore. ----> how many times did i says this? sighs. nevermind. i just don't know how to tidy up my feelings probably. everything just sux! I REALLY HATE MYSELF!!! PLEASE TAKE EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME AND DON'T EVER RETURN TO ME AGAIN!!! I DON'T NEED ANYTHING!!! I DON'T NEED ANYONE TO PITY ME!!! ARGHZ!
