a warm soft cheek landed on mine.. a sweet feeling rushed through my body as he whispered in my ear.. it felt as if we were sharing a secret that the rest of the world didn't know.. i smiled to myself as i looked into his eyes and wondered is it fate that we met?

i love him.

Love. its such an undescribable feeling. when i look into his eyes, i feel as if i've known him my whole life. when i'm in his arms i just wanna hold him tight and make sure i never let go.. the feeling is powerful and scary at the same time. we talk about the past and leave it behind.

we talk about the future in anticipation. for the first time. i can actually visualise a future with the one i'm with. i imagine a humble home. while i'm cooking he wraps his arms around me and while watching me cook he teaches me a few of his tricks.. and a few years later while he's cooking i'm with our kid teaching him the abc and cooing at the new born in his basinet.. and when they are all grown up with kids of their own, we'll be sitting on the sofa thinking back on our lives and the way we met and the way we ended up together, the obstacles we had to overcome along the way and how we finally made it this far.

i don't know why tears are trickiling down my cheek while i'm typing this.. it may be because its a beautiful image.. it may be also the fear of losing this dream...

love is scary. you never know what will happen next. while i'm imaging this scenario, he might be imagining another.. and He from up above might have planned another..

i'm afraid to lose what i have now.. i've given all my heart.. i've taken a gamble. i've decided to jump into the unknown. if i lose this bet, everything will be gone.. i trust and put my whole heart into this relationship..

come what may..

i gave u my whole heart. don't let me down. i love you.

i miss you so.
11:57 PM

Where did you go?

where is the man that i fell in love with?
the one who would never make me cry...
who does silly things to just to hear me laugh?
where's the man who was so responsible?
the one who promised me he'd never enter a pub again..
the one who promised me that he'd quit the habit?
where is he?
why is he no longer here?
where has he gone??
please come back to me...
please...
i can't take the heart ache any longer..
it hurts so much i can't breathe.....
please come back to me..
help me find the man i fell in love with..
bring him back to me..
please?
i miss him..
i really do..
Where'd you go?
I miss you soSeems like its been forever that you've been goneWhere'd you go?
I miss you soSeems like its been forever that you've been gonePlease Come back home

PLEASE COME BACK

i miss you so.
7:10 PM

Whenever i listen to this song- jia gei wo, tears will just roll down my cheeks. i will be thinking about the things we do and the times we will be spending to together. i want it all back. can i? i dont want to put it as my memories. i dont want. sighs. can i? can you sing this songs to me again. i want to listen to your voice. will you?

i have been living in the dark for these few days. when can i see light? when everything is fine?
sighs. when can i meet u? i want to go to sunplaza park. all my memories are there. can i?

i really love you with all my hearts. hope to meet up with you soon.

pls take care of yourself. may god bless you. love you always.

i miss you so.
11:03 AM

sad sad sad!
what had happen?
do u think your decision is right?
why must you make your decision so suddenly?
can i go back to time?
if can, nothing will happen.
i am sure.
but why?
cant we just solve everything out?
u tell me to blame everything on you.
how do you think i will feel after hearing this?
blame evrything to you!
hate you!
i cant do it.
it's very difficult for someone to hate someone she loves.
i noe is hard for you to think and make any more decision now.
you need time.
i think the best way is to cool ourselves down.
and re-think and then decide what to do next.
i hope everything will be fine.
can we do it?


yesterday, 23 dec 2006.
after reading my e-mail, i was damm sad.
my hearts once sink again.
this time round, it worst.
sink right down into the sea bed!
is anchored.
sighs.
why?
i can't sleep, eat or do anything.
i kept thinking of the things that you say.
this is the worst christmas that i will be having.
i am tired.
but i just cant sleep.
when i close my eyes and tell myself to sleep and stop thinking about it.
i just cant do it.
tears keep rolling down my eyes.
what had happen?
now, i cried again.
sob sob.
i dont noe what to do.
can you teach me?
can u guide me through the darkness.
can you light up my lights?
will you?
i am sad.
i cant control my feeling.
i want to meet you out.
can i?
pls decide on the time and place .
i will be waiting for you.
i got nothing much to say.


merry christmas to everyone.
hope all your wishes come true.
*will my wishes come true?*

i miss you so.
6:14 PM

crying in process...
sob sob...
why must we encounter with all this problem?
i dont want anything to happen.
i treasure the times that i spend with you.
i love you with all my hearts.

i miss you so.
8:48 PM

I AM VERY SORRY.

I APOLOGISE FOR WHAT HAD HAPPEN TODAY.

i really don't know it will happen like this.

i am really very sorry.

i am so hopeless.

i cant even protect my bf.

sighs.

what on earth am i still living for?

i am really not a good gf as you think.

everytime i make u suffered.

that's all i can do.

why why?

can u tell me why?

why do i have this type of brother?

what the fuck!

he always think that he is just so BIG!

anyone he don't like, he just don't give a damm to the person.

why is there still this type of people living in this earth?

if i can choose, i RATHER DON'T HAVE THIS TYPE OF BROTHER.

he just sux!

why must he do that to my bf?

why?

HE ALSO NEVER DO ANYTHING TO YOU.

YOU DON'T HIS FACE, IS YOUR PROBLEM.

WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO MY BF?

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

I TELL YOU SERIOUSLY LAHX.

I HATE YOU TO BE MY BROTHER.

YOU JUST SUX!

YOU HAVE NEVER SHOW ANY CARE AND CONCERN TO ME.

WHENEVER YOU NEED MONEY, YOU WILL JUST TAKE FROM ME!

WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM TO YOU?

DID U REALLY TREAT ME AS YOUR SISTER?

HAVE YOU?

I CAN ANSWER FOR YOU.

NEVER EVER HAVE!

WHATEVER THING YOU DON'T LIKE, YOU WILL USE VIOLENCE TO SETTLE IT!

JUST SIMPLY SAY LAHX.

YOU EVEN BEAT YOUR OWN FATHER LAHX!

WHAT WRONG WITH YOU?

WHY ARE YOU STILL LIVING?

CAN YOU JUST DIE NOW?

I REALLY HATE YOU TO THE CORE!

i don't get the link at all.

can anyone tell me?

i am going insane!!!

sighs.

i shouldn't have ask you out today.

i am sorry.

if i never ask you to come out today, nothing will happen.

is all my fault.

i really don't know what to do.

i am tired.

I HATE THE LIFE THAT I AM LIVING NOW!!!

things just happen so fast.

in speed seconds.

and now is gone.

so far away...

i really don't know what he wants!

does apearance matter?

what the fuck!

i can't stand it anymore.

kill me man!

speechless...

sob sob...

=(

i miss you so.
5:31 PM

today's race doesn't really look like a race to me!
Thye Hock seems to be coaching us how to sail with J-24.
today, i had my first lesson for keelboat sailing. =X
Thye hock really teaches us alot.
I learn alot from him. =)
Woah... today's race is a crush race!
so many things went wrong.
we can't really put up the spin.
which make us loose spped alot. =X
BUT... after the 2nd race onwards, we managed to host the spin up!
when the spin is up, all of us is like so happy.
SCREAMING FOR JOY =)
we simply just look like same kid!
after the race, the results are out.
GUESS WHAT?
WE ARE THE LAST! =X
congratulation to RSYC SATU.
Aiyo, today i nearly die.
hahas. I nearly flew out of the boat.
omg! i also never wear life-vest lor! =X
i am burnt! face pain pain.
zzz...
yeah! i am so happy.
tommor i can meet bennett le.
after my race, i will be going to meet him.
i am just so happy.
I AM THE MOST HAPPIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD!
hehe. =P

MY DREAMS IS FULFILLED!
Bennett: i have thought over it just now.
I feel that i also must do something mend our relationship.
I think that is not only you who need to change.
Can you please tell me what to do?
So that i can change.
tommor, i can meet bennett le.
yeah! so happy.
dear, i will rush off to meet you after my race.
I will try my best to meet you on time.
coz i don't noe what time will the race end. =)
dear, please take care of urself.
i will be there for you when you need me.
i will always be ur shoulder.
i going to sleep now.
having a very bad headache and gastric. so tired! block-nose.
sighs!
aiya nevermind. tommor meet bennett le, my illness will be fully healed. =)
i think i will stop here. i am very tired. i need to go orh orh... otherwise tommor got panda eyes le. =P

good nitez everyone. sweet dreams.

signing off,
baby lobster

i miss you so.
11:47 PM

A NEW DAY AHEAD - J-24 REGETTA

Hey guys, is 6.24a.m in the morni.
I just finish making sandwich-bread with ham and cheeese that i will be bringing out to sea to eat.
Phew, today i wake up very early in the morni.
sighs! or I should say I didn't manage to have a good sleep yesterday night.
I was having BLOCK-NOSE the whole night. haiz.
Which make me not able to sleep. *xiang si bin*
Therefore, I can wake up so early in the morni.
Hope that today's race will be successful.
Wo hui jia you de!!!
XINNI ENDURE man!!!
so many ppl is out there to support you.
you can do it. =)


Bennett: I had thought over the night.
I apologised for my childishness.
Sorry for always making you sad and angry because of me.
As a gf, I should respect your decision.
You can't meet that because you got your own reason.
I shouldn't have doubts over your reason.
i am sorry.
If you don't like my attitdue, you can just tell me.
It's only 2 weeks, i never see you.
Some people will consider this as SHORT.
BUT as for me, I think that is very LONG.
I don't really know how u feel against this.
DO YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU MISS THE PERSON SO MUCH AND YOU CAN'T MEET HIM IS WHAT TYPE OF FEELING?
I can tell you the answer.
Your whole body will feel as if you are going to EXPLODE!
tell people that you miss your bf.
what will your frenz say?
aiyo. miss him ah?
go meet him lor.
say is easy to say, but when come to do is sort of difficult.
sighs. nevermind. forget it.
I think I am "suffering" with some LOVE SICK babx.
sorry. I always only think of myself, I never consider your feeling and your stand.
I apologise to you again.
take care of yourself.

Deng dai
* what the first thing i would like to see after the race? Xinni would like to han dao bennett!!!*
this is only a dream.
will it happen?

i miss you so.
6:24 AM

Feeling tired and lonely...
Heart shattered ...

Already 2 weeks never see you liao le.
Now, when you are back.
you also never tell me or msg me.
i was there waiting for your reply.
i keep on taking out my hp see if u got msg me to tell me that you have safely reach singapore but nothing. why?
maybe you are busy and tired after long hours of flight. never mind.
Also cannot meet you. Or I should say both of us are equally busy.
haiz. what wrong? we are too busy until can't even find time to meet each other? sighs! =(
this sat and sun, I will be going for J-24 regetta.
Next Mon, which is the day after the race, i will be going oversea and this will 3 days.
woah... after coming back from holiday, there will be camp and christmas party.
so many things just happen like that. so tired. really got no time for each other izzit? =X don't know what to say. dotx ...

i was looking forward to meet u tommor.
but you msg me and tell me that you are going to the dentist early in the morning.
after seeing this msg, my heart just sink down. sink right to the bottom. sighs.
i don't know whether got any chances to meet you tommor.
If have, that's will be good. If cannot, then that's too bad. aiya. we are JUST too busy.
Having headache now. very very pain. shit!
tommor is the race and I am getting sick soon. sighs.
XINNI: you must take care of yourself. can't fall sick in this period of time. =X headache, heart pain. everywhere pain! =X
i think i should end here.
NO MOOD TO SAY

ANYTHING ELSE.
speechless... XINNI: jiayou for tommor race!!! do your best. ENDURE!

missing you deadly...
hope you take care of yourself!
* Do you understand the songs? *

i miss you so.
5:31 PM

1 MORE day bennett will reach SINGAPORE!

today went to cut my hair. I finally change hair style le. I think for a very long time before I allow the hairdresser to cut my hair. Hace i regrretted cutting my hair? sighs. I don't know whether this hair style suit me mahx. =X But 1 thing i can confirm with you is - i really look like 1 chao ah lian after cutting my hair. =X

when i went come after pts, my mum immediately scolds me. u know why she scolds me? is because of my hair. she says i simply just look like 1 chao ah lian. =( damm sad sia. i really got nothing to say. dotx.dotx.

today during pts, i took 5 pounds de weight. the other gal take 4 pounds de weight. MaryAnn says that I gt more strength so I must take the heavier. =X At first when u do, u doesn't really feel anything. But that, i can really feel the stretch. Extremely pain. After that, we went to do crutches. Must do fast fast de. otherwise no effect! MaryAnn says de.

Just now, I talked to Bennett again. so happy! but dont now why half way through the conversation, i feel so weird. zzz. i think is because I JUST MISS HIM SO MUCH. this is why... =) nothing more to add. i shall stop there. tk cre guys!

photos time!

what hair-style is this?



Showing your attitdue to who?



two siao char bo!

signing off,
baby lobster

i miss you so.
1:25 AM

2 MORE DAYS BENNETT IS COMING BACK!

Today autocad lesson was cancelled. So, I went home straight after school. I reach home at 3.45p.m. Can you believe? Very early sia. So early until I don't even know what to do at home. Ends up, I went to look for blogskins. At first, I saw 1 ROXY blogskins. Later I went to edit and changed my blogskins into the ROXY. I ask Joo Ting to help me see whether is it nice anot. Then she says not bad but I did not put tagboard. So I send her my HTML and she help me to put the tagboard in. As Joo Ting is helping me to edit, I continue to search for new blogskins. hahas. Guess what? I found something swwt and nice. lolx. When i first see this blogskins, I fall in LOVE with it le. So I went to save the HTML and edit it. After that, I decide to change my blogskins again le.

Phew...! Finally, my blogskin is well done. I just love it so much. Don't you think is so SWEET?
I LOVE THE TASTE OF YOUR LIPS....
IT TASTE LIKE THE CANDY I LOVE...
ISN'T SWEET AND TOUCHING? =)

missing you so much...! 2 days more you will be coming back. What will I do when I see you? aiyo... stupid question! Obviously, I will be EXTREMELY happy and HUG you until your "bones are cracked". =)

signing off,
baby lobster
*HugS&KiSSeS*
LOVE YOU ALWAYS

i miss you so.
8:30 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISTER,
KahLoong!!!

today after lesson, went to orhard to watch movie de. But ends up never watch.. You know why? coz actually we wants to watch M18 movie, but the ticket office told my frenz that later there will be a ID spot check. This is why we cannot watch. =X After that, i went for Kumon and then went for family dinner. We went to eat steamboat. so nice. yummy...! oopos, going to be FAT again. =P That's what I did today. so tired. 3 More days, bennett will be coming back to singapore. Yeah...! I want to meet you. I miss you deadly. =)

Love You always,
baby lobster
11 december 2006

i miss you so.
10:34 AM

6th day: 6th DECEMBER 2006,
Wednesday

Nothing really happen today. Is just that I miss someone very much. Can't stop thinking about him. He really makes me gone INSANE...! Bennett: I want to ki siao liao le...hahas... really proud of him... can go to DOHA as a race offical. Go Go Jia You...! lolx. I think i shall end here. Tk cre everyone.

Love you.
Baby Lobster

i miss you so.
10:07 AM

So many days never blog liao le! =P
3 days have passed. So many things had happen.

3rd day: 3rd DECEMBER 2006, Sunday.
I went to RSYC. Sighs...! I am late again. =X When to harbourfront to have breakfast with JooTing and Gary. We went to eat WangQiao. So nice! Yummy. =P After that, we went to Cold Storage to have foods. We going for "PICINE"...! hahas. =D I and Gary bought Ham, a loaf of bread, Lays Classic and 2 bottle of water. While, jooting bought sweets. After that, we took a cab to RSYC.

We suppose to meet at RSYC at 8.30a.m. Guess what? We reach there at 9.30a.m. Super early right? =P We went to get changed and get ready to rig up the boat. Gary,Zhilong and me are so lucky man! We were on Soloman's boat. hahas. He bought alot of foods to eat. He even bought WATERMELON!!! cute right? =P We were all enjoying yourself on the boat. =) While jooting is "SUFFERING" in the other boat. hahas. =X

We sail from RYSC to Changi Sailing Club. The journey takes about 5 hours. So long and tired. But I enjoy myself. =) Half way through the journey, i become the helmsman. Gary and zhilong were so scared lahx. lolx. They were afraid that the boat may just CAPSIZE. At first, I find it really very hard to control the boat. As if the boat is controling you. =X But, after Soloman had taught me, I slowly get the hang of it. hahas. When we return to Changi sailing club. I really look like a Lobster. So RED...! I got sun-burn... pain pain... then now the skin is peeling. Damm ugly! Never mind... You FORGET to apply sun-block then you don't COMPLAIN...! That's all for today. =)


4th day: 4th DECEMBER 2006, Monday.
I AM NOT LATE FOR LESSON...!

Today, i am early for lesson. My first lesson is at 8a.m and I can wake up early and go to school on time. hahas. So happy! =) Nothing had really happen to today. I went to school for lecture and tutorial. So tired! =P When i reached home, I saw e-mails in my indox. I went to see. Guess what? Is Bennett sends me de e-mail. When I see it, I was so happy. I have been waiting for his reply for long. He told me that he is doing fine. hahas. I am so relieved. =) His wound is also healing. yeah! Bennett: Get well soon. After that, I still want to go swimmng de. =) Nothing much to blog for today.


5th day: 5th DECEMBER 2006, Tuesday.
Autocad test!

Today's lesson quite short. Morning, I was having PEEE tutorial. After that is lunch break. Then, me, zhilong,zunhao,perm and boonkiat went to food court5 to eat. We ate KFC. I ate 2 piece chicken meal. SO FATTY! But it's okay. coz tommor i going for PTs. So, will also BURN AWAY my FATS. hahas. =P so eat more before you go for training.

After that, went for DE lecture. So bored. Nothing to do. I also can't understand what the hell is Tan HAk Hwee toking. tsk tsk... I slept during the lecture. Can't help it. I am really very tired. OoooPs...! Am i giving alot of excuses? =X This why I need to force myself to sleep early at night. sighs. After the lesson, I had my Autocad test. I was damm scared that i don't know how to draw. But ends up, I still competed my test. =) After the test, you can just go home. While I was going to leave the class, my mum called. She says me to meet her at Orchard. So, i went to orchard to meet her and my aunty. After that, we went have our dinner and went back home. And now, i am here blogging. So tired. I think today i will be sleeping early. Tommor still got physical training. BURN ALL MY FATS! BURN BURN BURN... =)


This is all what i did for the past 3 days. Take care guys!

Signing off,
baby lobster.

i miss you so.
8:08 PM

STUPID POST!!!

Having digital electronics lecture now! and what am i doing? blogging? OMG!!!

ok is my turn to help this idiot to blog. guess hu am i ? i am an idiot... HAHA.. u think is funny ? Funny ah? Then funy lor. hahas. =D What the hell am i talking?
Anyway, i am bore too.. bore make mi tok nonsence. nonsence nonsence nonsence... this post is nonsence. aiya, DE sux la.. lets tok abt myself ba.. my name is idiot, n todae i am going to MOS? ask mi wat am i going to do there ? go there to drink or! then do what? hahas... drink until drank then can anyhow TOUCH!!! i going to smack gal's ass... muahaha... waaaaa... teacher is looking at mi.. am i that attractive ? yea i am indeed.. he smile at mi!!! omg... i haf the charm.. muack u lecturer.. kiss=x
muhahas.. i think the lecturer really LOVE me! =p I am so loveable. hahas. *ren jian ren ai* =) bai chi ask mi to write more things abt mos. she toot lai de. nv go b4... keep asking mi .. u think i got go b4 ar..
ooops.. i oso toot... zzzzz.. basically wat i knw is to play smacking? smack it, o smack it!! smack until the gal's booot become RED AND SWOLLEN!!! after that she will get HIGH... =P
aiya! lesson going to end liao le. blog again... see u guys!

signing off,
mystery guy!

i miss you so.
2:28 PM

DAY 2 : 2 DECEMBER 2006

Today is a very tired day. I woke up at 10.45a.m in the morning. I cook fish porridge for lunch. Coz my mum went out and she wants me to cook lunch for my brother to eat. After cooking, i went to bathe and prepare to go out. Today got J24 training at RSYC at 1.30p.m.

When i reach there, it is already 1.45p.m. I was late again. OMG! xinni: you really need to be puntual. =X As I walking towards the boat, there's 1 gal approach me! Guess what did she ask me? Are you from Singapore Poly? I was thinking... Do I look like I am from Singapore Poly? lolx. nvm. Then I ask her. Are you shu jun? Then she says: YES! After that, both of us got changed and headed to the boat. After that, we started rigging the boat.

Today, i tried the role for kick-box and trimmer. It's really very tough to be a trimmer. You really need alot of strength. Sheeting in really needs alot alot of strength. I sheet-in until got rope-burn. =X pain pain! never mind. ENDURE!!! I learn alot of things from today's training. =)
After training, which is about 5.30p.m. i went to meet jooting. We went to plaza singapura to shop for Christmas party stuffs. So we headed to Carrefour. Then we needed pen to write down the prices of the stuffs, so i went to the stationary section and "take" 1 pen. Then u know what? I forget to return the pen before I left Carrefour. This means that I HAVE STOLEN 1 PEN FROM CARREFOUR! =X naughty galx!I went to KFC to have my dinner. After that, i went home. so tired and sick. Having flu the whole day. My nose tap has spolit. =X

That's all for today. So tired. Tommor still got training. Have to meet at RSYC at 8.30a.m. *xinni: pls make an effort to be early! Don't be late anymore!* =P Then, we will be sailing from RSYC to Changi Sailing Club. Maximum is 8 hrs to reach. sighs! Tommor
will also be a tired day. =P

signing off,
Baby LoBsTer.
*HugS&KissES*
dear, i love you!

i miss you so.
9:30 PM

DAY 1 : 1 DECEMBER 2006
BENNETT had offically leave Singapore to Doha!

Today,my lesson started at 8a.m.But guess what?Can u imagine,8a.m lessson i am still at home sleeping! OMG... i am really getting from bad to worst! lolx. i reached school at 9.30a.m. But luckily, my attendence is still taken. =P I went for lesson for 30mins then go for Project 1 lesson.

For Project 1 lesson, i have done finish my MUSIC BOX. So i just went to the class to take attendence then can leave le. I am so proud that my MUSIC BOX is done. hahas. This is because i am the 2nd person to complete the music box! =) After the lesson, i went to Poly Marina to help out to move the boats to Safyc. So tired. We went to 3 different places within 1h30mins. After that, the driver needs to go to Kallang to transport boats. So, he asks us to alight at kallang mrt station.

Today, my class had plan to go East Coast Park to have fun. So, after transporting the boats, i doesn't feel like going home. Then i headed down to East Coast Park to find my friends. We rented bicycles to cycle. my frenx rent the double seats bicylce. So cute lahx. You really need to coordinate with ur partner so that both of you will have a smooth sailing experince. =X We cycle and have alot of fun. =) After that, we went to watch sun-set. But did not manage to see everything. hahas.

After that, i start taking photos again. OMG! xinni: why are you so zilian? =P i will upload all the photos that i had taken. =) We went to East Coast Park de food village to have our dinner. Then, we headed back home. ZunHao, Boon Kiat, Prem and me, we take bus no.43 back home. woah... do you know how long is the journey back to my houses? is 1hr. i sit until my bad-side pain. =X
Then now, i am blogging at home. Woah! So tired. i am feeling very sick! My nose is like tap water like that. Won't stop de! haix... blow and blow! My noise very red and pain. =P

It's photos time:


cyclist...

what am i doing? mouth open so big?


sun-set! nice mahx?


say cheese.


where is bennett?


thinking of you!


That's all for today. Take care guys!

signing off,
Baby LoBster.

missing you...

i miss you so.
11:08 PM